Spirit of Discernment

spirit of discernment

these words appeared to me last night as i spend my personal time in worship and prayer. i must admitted that my spiritual walk had reached to a huge wall that i'm struggling to climb it through. my worship wasn't that excited anymore, my prayers wasn't that passionate anymore. and i started to doubt that whether i'm still have a genuine relationship with Jesus anymore just like how i used to be. my relationship with God has challenged and i need a breakthrough of that.
and last night i decided to spend some time with God, thrown away the worry of the time and the agenda and so on. i just wanna spend some time with God and draw near to Him again.
as i begun to worship and pray, i know deep inside my heart that God has NEVER leave me nor forsake me. He is still there when my heart is broken and crying out to Him. the peace of God filled my heart as i begun to hear His whisper to me, "I have seen you, i have heard you, you are always in my coverage."
the affirmation of God is so strong to me. in times that i'm not aware He's there, in times that i didn't feel His presence He's there as well. He loves me so much that never there is one second He is looking elsewhere beside me.
but then why i still can not 'see', 'hear' or 'touch' Him even when Jesus is dying to draw near to me?part of the reason i found out is that we, Jesus and me or us, are not looking on the same direction with one another. love relationship is a two sided relationship and required both parties to take part on that. love on one side is not complete and perfect love, it will struggle to find its balance and collapse one day.
i believe same principle apply to our relationship with Jesus. God rebuked me that i was side-tracked and loss my focus on Him. all the experience i had over these few years has take me to a whole new level of my faith in God. just like the circle of the four season, spirit life has its own season to come.
as i prayed and ask God what should i do to climb over the spiritual 'huge wall' in front of me, the word 'spirit of discernment' come into my head. these are not strange words to me, in fact this was one of the spiritual gift that Janice ask me to pray about when i was still in high school.
to be honest, i have limited understanding and knowledge towards this gift and i still searching for more deep insight of the gift. i believe this is my word of the season. i'm excited to see the brand new season of my life. whose knows maybe it's not, but anything take will take me a step closer to God is worth my trying.