to be frank really have no ideas what i should write here...but i just felt the urges to write now therefore here i am...
this week has been an awesome week to me...especially in church...strong presence of God...strong praise and worship...and strong preaching of the Words and so and so...week in and week out this is what i always did and sometime to the extent that i treated this as a weekly routine, or even worse, probably another religion practice to me...every week involved in ministry serving, going for prayer mtg, cell group, christian fellowship, weekend service, and bible study make me wonder that actually how much time i had spend in the house of God, treating it as a 'duty' rather than an act of worship for God...from the outside perhaps people wouldn't noticed what has going on inside of me but deep in heart i know what the condition of my heart...and HE is well aware of it too...to elaborate it furthermore...i felt that i treating Christianity(which once changed my life upside down completely) as an IDOL...i could not believed it that I'm using such detestable sin to link it with my Jesus...but i need to be frank to you friends...over the few month this is what is going on inside of me...I'm doing His work without anything have to do with the RELATIONSHIP with Him...one thing that i can't admitted is that i have grown a lot in understanding the Word ever since i came down to KL...but instead of drawing closer to God in felt that I'm become more like a Pharisee...doing what is written in the law but just missed out one important thing...the humanity to accept Christ and His RELATIONSHIP...how many of u know that your vision can not be driven in the right track if u're not right in the relationship with Him...so many times i had put myself in the service of God and believing that i am doing something that pleases Him...I'm so wrong and i need to make right with him immediately...how many times i had the negative thoughts toward someone in the leadership...how many time i had ever try to bring down someone by Church politic...how many times i had complained about certain issues and people when thing doesn't go on my way in church...and how many times had i...reminded of all the sins i had committed in the house of God, one day God just come to me and said softly on my ear: "I have a second chance for you..."
on the way of my 'faithful' service to God i lost the RELATIONSHIP with my master...producing good fruits and great harvest...sure...but what if i can save thousand upon thousand of people but ironically i lost my life before His throne at the end of my life...here i wanna make a re-commitment with God again...that i will treat ministry as a privilege rather than a duty, treat leader with a grateful heart rather than condemn them, treat people with understanding rather than harsh judgemental, live sacrificially for other instead pulling responsible to others, praying rather than complaining, JOY instead of BITTERNESS...
now i have strength, the joy that fall in love with Him again...good and bad just an paper away...attitude interpret the world u see...
ps. if i had offense anyone here...im very sry for it...i wrote this one shot without any changes of sentence except wrong spelling...
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